Before the Page Turns

Self-Portrait, Musings on the Eve of Turning 60, Reflections, Inspiration, Photography, Portraiture, Leica Camera, Fine Art

There’s a stillness that settles just before the turning of a page.

In these self-portraits, I am not looking at the camera so much as I’m looking through it — through time, through memory, through the fog that sometimes drifts in from the past like smoke from a fire long gone cold.

I stand here, nearly sixty.

Not waiting, not mourning — just listening.

To the creak of old floorboards underfoot.

To the wind threading stories through the eaves.

To the quiet hum of a body that once failed me, and yet — still, miraculously — carries me.

The gold rush is over.

The mad dash for meaning, the endless proving, the hunger to be seen.

Now, I find myself harvesting something softer:

a patience with my scars, a tenderness for the boy I was,

and a deep, almost aching gratitude

for the simple act of being here.

In some frames, I am wrapped in light.

In others, I seem to fade into shadow.

Both are true.

These images are not declarations — they’re echoes.

Not celebrations, but quiet reckonings.

I am not trying to look young, or wise, or whole.

I am only trying to be honest.

Because to live this long is no small thing.

To have faced death and come back with both hands open — it rewrites the map.

And now I walk slower, but see more.

Now I carry less, but feel everything more deeply.

This is the last light before sixty.

It is golden, yes.

But it is also strange, and slanted, and real.

And it falls on me like a blessing I never thought I’d live to see.

:: Rand

Spoken Word

If you'd like to delve deeper into my photography visit my website and Instagram (@randleebdutoit). Please reach out if you'd like to suggest a collaboration.

All images are copyright Rand Leeb-du Toit, 2025